Faith

Are you waving your hands at me, Japan? or waving me away?

It's been over a month since I've started applying for graduate school. For the first time after graduation I start to regret what I didn't do back then. I should've done an honor degree instead of a straight up major. I should've had a thesis instead of cirriculum studies. I should've worked harder for higher grades. Should've could've would'ves..... When pitted against things I cannot control, I am weak. Just these days I gradually experience what it means to let go and believe in God. Still, the hardest part would be to finally find God's will and his will in my life.

At 4:30PM today, I thought I had given up to some extend. I checked my email inbox just before I left work. Nothing. Today is the last day to get discount tickets from San Frans to Tokyo. It was my original plan to get an interview date setup so I can fly over in 2 weeks time. That plan has been blown away like the autumn leaves. On the skytrain looking out, the pale purple sky shines through the thick rain clouds. I walked down the slope towards my home and I thought to myself, "Well.. I guess this is it, but I'll shine wherever I am." Actually I was thinking about the incident on the bus, although I was already seated down on the bus, I stood up when there was a lady standing next to me and signaled for her to take my seat. The world CAN be a better place, solar energy or no solar energy as long as we care for one another. When I got home,I opened my inbox, there it was, at 4:44PM, just after I left work, the professor from Tokyo Tech replied me:

Dear Kenneth,

I am positively considering your application. Please send me the copy of your grade transcript and graduation certificate by e-mail or fax.

Best regards

Keiko Waki Associate professor Department of Energy Sciences

For nearly 1 week and 3 emails I've been waiting for this reply. What does trusting in God really mean? To me, it is not believing that God will fullfill your desires, but rather giving up what you want the most, and trust that God knows better. This was a very hard thing for me to do. Getting into that university has been the one thing I wanted after graduation with my upmost desire. To give that up would mean to toss my realized dream away along with my ambitions.

Yet, God knows better for He is wise.

Does leaving this to God means I will get in for sure? No..

It means I will get the best from God, and that is beyond my wildest prediction.

Faith.. if only I have faith comparable to the size of a mustardseed.

Thank you God.