Friendship Ended

I made a decision at 2am today, to end the friendship (perhaps for the 2nd time) with this person. What triggered it was the short conversation we had about the lip-syncing incident during the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I was amazed at how she interpreted the event and I question her Christianity. A friend stopped me before I went further to question her faith.

Lying on my bed, flashing back to all the incidents I have encountered with her. I have strung everything together and composed a picture that made more sense to me. Throughout the years, it is her system of values that stemmed these behaviors. When I made that realization, I realized that I may never trust her again.

Here is the letter I wrote to her, at 2:19am,

Chris,

I guess I got more out of that conversation than I expected. I think I got some thoughts sorted out inside my head which I never really had the chance to deal with until today.

About that incident, despite all the controversies around it, these were the facts: a girl was denied the chance of a life time to perform at the opening ceremony because the higher-ups thought she was not cute enough. The cute girl lip-sync'ed to the song during the live performance knowingly or unknowingly that her voice could not be heard. The audience expected that to be a live performance from the cute girl on the stage. The committee did not disclose this information until the facts were exposed.

To me this is dishonest, a bait-and-switch, and deceptive. Surely this might have been done all over the world. Like you said, in Sydney where the aboriginals may have lip-sync'ed to their own songs. On Saturday night live where Ashley Simpson lip-sync'ed to her previous recordings. Probably this is also done in major pop concerts, too. However, all of these incidents does not justify the deception. Everybody doing it does not make it right. They were ALL wrong.

By now it is clear that you are pro-Olympics, depending everything negative I have thrown at you. It's not really my place to tell you what to believe or what to say. What really concerns me is why you defend those values. I think I don't know you very well after all even though we have known each other for a long time.

I couldn't sleep tonight, so I dug through my memories for similar incidents that I have heard or witnessed. I pieced together a puzzle that really make me feel ashamed that I allowed these things to happen. I now think that you are not a very honest person, or to put it best, deceptive. Am I accusing you? Yes, but I am going to get this out of my mind, and so that you know the reason why. I remember this vividly. It was right after my UBC classmate's wedding. I was dealing with a potential messy relationship with the bride's friend and just got off a conversation with her near UBC. As I stepped into my house after a long drive, you called me. On the phone you said "Kenneth, sorry to bother you, but I don't know who I can call for this, I am in downtown right now and I am a bit drunk. I am wondering if you can come pick me up?" I was worried to death. Everybody knows downtown is not a safe place to be in the middle of the night, especially for a girl who is drunk and alone. I rushed downtown to pick you up. Then you explained that you were having a party of some kind with your co-workers and you drank a glass or two. Your friends were still in there celebrating but you wanted to go home early. You weren't drunk, but you didn't want to take the public transit at this time of the hour. Your parents were home, but you didn't want to wake them. You called Kevin, but he was playing badminton at the time. So there was the push-over Kenneth at your service. At the time I was angry, sure, but I was there already so might as well just send you home.

Now that when I look back at it, it was deceptive. Similarly to the system of values you have shown me in defending the Olympics. Technically you didn't lie, but you presented it in a very way where you can be easily misinterpreted to achieve the desirable result. All I want to say is, I think you are not very honest and I don't know if I can trust you again now that I have come to this realization. These are harsh words, but that's how I feel. I want you to see it coming instead of me stabbing you in the back. Why do I want to cause this agony on you? Because I seriously think nobody has ever told you so directly that how deceptive you can be. I certainly know some people that think so. I have heard numberous accounts throughout the years. I won't tell you who it was, but here you have two choices. Retrace your steps and see who you might have offended, ask for their forgiveness and change your ways. Or you can do what they have done --- shutting you out.

I won't ask for your forgiveness. That's all.

Kenneth

I am not too sad. I am willing to forgive her for everything, but that's really a whole different thing from ever being able to trust her again. If I can't trust her, I can't say she is my friend and I want her to know, instead of quietly shunning her out. I am a behavioral clean freak, this I know. But I never impose my values onto the other people because I know they are different.

Here is what really bothered me. What I really asked her was this. If she was the organizer for the event and I was the audience. Would she have led me to believe that it was a live performance with a cute girl and a heavenly voice when it was actually otherwise? I looked at the message she sent me on MSN. She said that she would've done so to achieve the effect if she were the organizer. Then I don't know if I can trust her anymore.