Unreal

Is this really happening? I don't feel sad, excited, happy or nervous. Everything seems unreal. Am I really leaving this place?

Another 13 years of my life have gone through my fingers like the sand. When I first left Taiwan at the age of 13, I left everything behind: my classmates, my friends, my goals and dreams in my early school years. There was no looking back. It was easy.

Over the past 13 years, I've excelled in high school, struggled through university, found a decent job, wanted to settle down and start a family. It's true, the more your put in, the harder it is to leave. I feel reluctant to go, yet my ambition beckons me further.

There are many reasons not to go. My grandfather still has so many stories to tell me and he's aging fast. My grandmother is gradually losing her coherence. My small dog was gradually losing control of her hind legs. My dad was losing his only good eye. My big dog was still constantly running away from home. What's to become the world around me if I leave? I'm so afraid it will collapse and when it'll be too late when I turn back.

I want to do more for you. Will you hold up the pillar for me while I'm gone, God?