Pit Stop

I haven't spoken to Yurie in person for over a month now. From one of the two short emails I got to know that she has been quite busy, and sick. Right after her Becoming adult ceremony she dove right into exams and presentation. She worked so hard her wrist developed tendinitis. (O_O). Recently she caught a flu, she couldn't sleep and couldn't rest and daily she has to study for or write exams. I was very worried, but I refrained from doing anything other than just praying for her. She is my friend now, just a friend.

Marina has been adjusting her attitude towards me since the dinner. She must have understood that she will have to get pass my sisters-in-christ to get to me. She still comes online on gmail chat, but we've been chatting less and less. Until recently, we have almost stopped talking. Partly because we have been busy, but I think it's because from the two very different lifestyles we live. She's a flashy lawyer's assistant at the heartland of luxurious living, Roppongi and I am a nameless grad student in the remote suburban Tokyo.

Aside from that I "think" that one of the sisters in my fellowship was showing an interest in me when she actually invited me to lunch. Another sister from the fellowship asked if she could introduce her older sister to me.

I feel that the dust is settling down in that aspect of my life. I understand how difficult (if not impossible) a relationship will be in my life as long as I remain a graduate student . This when I started thinking about if I really want to go on to phD at all. I feel very very tired from the endless chores, meaningless seminars and the on-going research that consumes my mind most of the day. I look at what I know I feel ashamed that I am even in graduate school. I am already 27. Can I really withstand another 3 years of this? I have other gifts, other things I can excel. Must I walk towards this path of no return?

This is once again the biggest decision I have to make in my life. If I don't continue, I will have to either find a job or return to Canada. Embarrassed to say, I have lived to like the life I have in Japan. I have a good friends, a good fellowship, and a good church. Daily I am challenged and forced to learn to rely on God. Besides, I've never received this much attention from the opposite sex in my entire life. This was all too big too far for me to think about, but they require immediate actions. In Japan, you don't walk at your own pace, you are walked.

I am more confused than ever now. I even thought about just teaching English for the time being, but that profession is not well-received for someone like me in Japan. and definitely not a long term plan for any of my future goals. With another presentation pressing in 2 weeks from now I really can't have time to think, but I have to stop.

Btw, I caught the black cat Kiki today. Everything went so smooth, I couldn't believe we actually caught him until he was transferred back into the lab in a cage.